Books Graduate school Hilarity

History: more vulgar than you’d expect

I’m doing some research on Anglo-Dutch relations in the mid-seventeenth century. This means, among other things, paging through EEBO results. At the top of the sixth page of results, I found this:

The Dutch-mens pedigree or A relation, shewing how they were first bred, and descended from a horse-turd, which was enclosed in a butter-box. Together with a most exact descripton of that great, huge, large, horrible, terrible, hideous, fearful, … prodigious, preposterous horse that shit the same turd; who had two faces on one head, the one somwhat resembling the face of a man, the other the face of a horse, the rest of his body was like the body of an horse, saving that on his shoulders he had two great fish finns like the finns of whales, but far more large: he lived somtime on land, but most in water; his dyet was fish, roots, … A very dreadful accident befel him, the fear hereof set him into such a fit of shiting, that he died thereof: … Also how the Germans following the directions of a conjurer, made a very great box, and smeared the in-side with butter, and how it was filled with the dung which the said monstrous horse shit: out of which dung within nine days space sprung forth men, women, and children; the off-spring whereof are yet alive to this day, and now commonly known by the name of Dutchmen; as this following relation will plainly manifest.

And that’s just the title.

2 Comments

  1. Thank you, now that I have stopped rolling on the floor in riotous laughter! That was great…and yes, I’m really only ten years old. BTW, what is the EEBO?

  2. EEBO is Early English Books Online — it’s an archive of scanned and sometimes transcribed versions of printed material between 1500-1800. I have access through UT; it’s another one of those super-expensive services that end up restricting digitized archives to paying customers.

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